


Has the Moon Lost Her Memory?

by Fallen_angel_of_time23



Series: Haylellujah Gift Fics [4]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 13:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21119795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallen_angel_of_time23/pseuds/Fallen_angel_of_time23
Summary: Raphael returns to Heaven with Gabriel's help. Michael isn't as pleased as they would have expected. They soon learn why.





	Has the Moon Lost Her Memory?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [haylellujah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/haylellujah/gifts).

“Gabriel, why have you brought  _ them _ here?” 

Michael’s tone was level, cold, and firm. The warmth in her eyes that they had so loved had obviously been gone for a while now. This was not the sister they knew. This was not the older sister who would wipe tears away, and teach angels how to fly. This was a General whose words were sharper than the sword she carried, and whose fatal blow was not her blade but her gaze. This was not their sister. 

“ _ Raphael _ is  _ family _ , Michael. There is no where else they should be but with us!” 

As Gabriel argued with Michael, Raphael’s eyes turned to look upon the other angels present. Uriel, oh young, innocent Uriel, now looked caught between being ready to run and follow Michael into battle. His eyes held a depth only war could place there. His face had stress lines Raph had always tried to protect him from, and the sight of them made their stomach drop. He had failed another one of his siblings. 

“That  _ thing  _ is no family of ours! Our  _ brother _ died when Lucifer fell, Gabriel. I will not stand to have this  _ blasphemy _ within Heaven. Get. It. Out.”

Sandalphon looked the same. His eyes were a little brighter, and there was a smile tugging at his mouth. He’d been promoted while Raphael was gone - he was probably the only one who had flourished in the years since the Fall. They were proud of him, making the best out of his circumstances and skills. But even with this, they could see the absence of love within the angel. He might have grown and moved forward since Raphael’s disappearance, but he had left pieces of himself behind each time. The realization made Raphael’s wings ache - they just wanted to pull their brother in and enfold him with their wings until the pressure filled all the empty space, and their brother was whole again. But this was not the place nor time. Raphael held themself back. 

“I will  _ NOT  _ send them away again! They are our  _ family _ ! That used to mean something to you Michael! Where has your love and mercy gone? Are you really this  _ frigid  _ now?”

Gabriel, oh their little brother. He was so strong. He had been so young and afraid when Raphael left. They had worried for him as they Fell. But they couldn’t be more proud of him! He had risen up to command - and yes he didn’t exactly do fantastic - but he kept order in Heaven after the chaos. And he led with a level of confidence and bravado Raphael thought Gabriel would never find. And now, oh, and now their little brother - the Messenger of God - was standing before his siblings and fighting for what he believed was right! Gabriel - the one who had carried the weight of Heaven on his back - was now risking everything to show Raphael they were no longer alone. Raphael loved their brother for this, but they were not going to let Gabriel lose what he was risking. 

“Gabriel…” They placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Let it be. Do not ruin your relationship with your siblings over something the past has claimed. If Michael wants me gone, then I will go.” The smile on their face did not reach their eyes, they knew, but they tried nonetheless. They had to for him. 

“No! You belong here, Raphael! This is your home. We are your family. They are wrong to shut you out like this! And I don’t want to be siblings with beings this heartless!”

“Angels don’t have hearts, Gabriel.” Michael’s smirk was as mocking as her condescending tone. 

“No, but you should be made of mercy and love! To not feel those now, you must all be  _ Fallen _ !” Gabriel didn’t hold back after spitting out the insult, wings flaring out as he yelled at his sister. He felt Raphael snake an arm across his chest and hold him back as he tried to lunge at Michael.

“Gabriel!” 

“It’s not fair, Raph!” Just like that Gabriel broke down in their arms. His legs gave out, sagging like a doll, tears spilling from his eyes. He clung to Raph like he used to when he was little, after a scary flight lesson or when he was terrified of infinity after seeing the vastness of space for the first time. Raphael just held him tight, lowering them both to the ground, encircling him with their wings, blocking the others from view. 

“I know. I know, little brother. But it’s okay. Not everything works out how you want it to, but we make the best of what we have. No one owes us anything. Michael is not wrong for not trusting me, and you are not wrong for defending me. But I also know this cannot last. One of you will have to give, or you will both lose all you have gained, Gabriel. And I  _ cannot _ stand by and watch my little brother, or any of my siblings, Fall -  _ in any capacity _ . You have done so much and I couldn’t be more proud of you. Stay where you are needed, where you can still do good. Don’t give up what you love for the ghost of a memory.” 

“But I can’t lose you either…” Gabriel tightened his grip on his brother, burying his face into their chest. Raphael’s heart ached at the subconscious action, recalling when Gabriel used to do it because he trusted them to protect him from reality itself. Oh how fragile that trust is, and what a miracle it survived.

“You won’t. I’ll be on Earth, and you can visit whenever you want. Just because I am exiled from Heaven does not mean you are exiled from my side.” Raphael gently ran their hand through their brother’s hair, massaging his scalp until his posture relaxed. “I love you, Gabriel. Always have and always will, little brother. And because of that I will not watch you lose any more siblings.”

“They are not worthy of being kept….” The venom in his voice chilled Raphael. 

“Gabe, little brother,  _ mon petite étoile _ , yes they are.” They used the nickname they had for Gabriel back when he used to watch them make the stars; my little star, they called him. The little brother who could light up the cosmos. “They may have lost their way, forgotten how to love and care for others, but that is why they need you. You must remind them, teach them how to feel once again. They are not beyond redemption, so long as the one saving them still has compassion and patience in their heart.”

“HOW DARE YOU!” The accusing shout pierced through the barrier of Raphael’s wings. They quickly pulled Gabriel up, and - one arm firmly around his shoulders - opened their wings up, revealing the sight of a pissed off Michael, her flaming sword pointed at Raphael’s chest. “How dare you come here in our brother’s place! How dare you consol Gabriel as if you have any indication what we all went through, as if you know more about living than us! How dare you call him that name, a name  _ you have no claim to _ ! You are not the brother we knew. You are not Raphael, you are not the Creator of the Cosmos, the Angel of Healing. You do not belong here, and you never will. Leave. Leave now, or I promise you will taste the fire of my blade as I sink into your chest the same way I did to Lucifer. You want the love of a brother? Go grovel at the feet of the one who betrayed us all. That’s the  _ only  _ love you deserve.” 

Raphael, so focused on Michael’s speech, didn’t see Uriel circling them until he reached out and ripped Gabriel from their arms. They started toward Uriel, intent on rescuing Gabriel, but was stopped by the biting prick of Michael’s blade on their chest.

“Stop.” Her voice demanded submission and obedience, leaving no room for argument. It would have terrified any angel back into line. Any angel except Raphael.

“Why do you stand so firmly against me, sister? Why have you changed so much? Tell me, explain to me your reasons for abandoning who you once were. You claim I have no idea what you’ve been through, and I say you are right! So tell me! Help me understand how I have wronged you!”

“ _ Help you understand _ ? How can you be so blind?” Michael pressed the tip of her sword further into their chest, gold blood rising to the surface of the wound. She smiled at the sight of it. 

“Our brother  _ abandoned  _ us when we needed him most. He was supposed to keep us together, lead us, and keep us strong after Lucifer Fell. But instead he betrayed us too. He chose Lucifer over us all, he Fell and  _ burned _ . Instead of being there for us, he chose death. He was the proof we needed that love is not strength, but a weakness. So we adapted. We learned to keep the fires of passion in Hell. Learned to be calm and cool like water. We placed value on the logic and thinking of the mind. And we  _ flourished _ . Look at us now! We are soldiers, guardians, protectors. We defend Heaven and battle Hell. We are stronger than we ever were. There is no weakness among us. Our brother is the embodiment of a past we are ashamed of. He is the symbolic face of all that was weak about us.” She paused for a moment to scowl at them; the hatred in her eyes making them glow. Raphael could feel their skin growing hot from where her blade’s fire was beginning to burn them.

“And then you show up, with his name and his face, seeking love and acceptance here? You are mistaken in more ways than one. You are a good actor though, only he would believe in love after all this time.”

“Love is not a weakness, Michael,” they said, a calm patience in their voice that they did not actually have. In fact, they could feel their components straining to stay together as their instincts urged them to separate. They swallowed the feelings down and continued on. “Embracing it makes you stronger, and the refusal of it brings only weakness. I may be blind to seeing the consequences of my actions, but you are blind to the reality you are in. You are not flourishing here, Michael. You have brought ruin to Heaven. Look around you, sister. The yellow halls you once ran down with joy and enthusiasm are now sterile, barren, and cold. There is no happiness here.” They raised their hand and grabbed the blade of the sword at their chest, uncaring of the burn and cut of the fire and metal. Gold dripped from the blade as they stared their sister down, unblinking. They could feel their components calling out to them to stop, but they didn’t care. The pain meant they were alive. It felt  _ good _ . So good they grinned. 

“Raphael, no!” They heard Gabriel shout from somewhere beside them, saw him struggling fruitlessly against Uriel from the corner of their eyes. But they ignored him in favor of focusing on Michael. 

“Do you remember, Michael? Hm? Do you remember when I was created, how you cried with happiness. Do you remember teaching me how to fly? Catching me when I fell, and tossing me back into the air? Do you recall the words you spoke to me whenever you did this?” Raphael watched Michael narrow her eyes, unflinching at their words or actions.

“You used to tell me: ‘Raph, never forget - every Angel must Fall before they can fly. There is no shame in it, so long as you learn how to soar after.’ Do you remember? Are you soaring, Michael? Or did Heaven Fall with us?” They could feel the tears in their eyes as they tightened their grip on the sword. “You used to confide in me, after Gabriel was created. You were so scared you would break him. You loved his eyes the most. How pure white they were. Before he changed them to purple. You used to spend hours walking with me, confessing all you feared as I reassured you it would never come to pass. Where did that Michael go? Why do you fear vulnerability so much now? Do you remember our games? How we would chase the young ones around until we collapsed from exhaustion and then napped in a pile? Do you remember the peace and serenity we felt during those times? What chased that away? It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me.” 

The tears fell freely now, silver mixed with gold on the blade. Raphael was breathing hard, their grin still splitting their face, the pain in their hand a distant thought. They were on the verge of a breakdown, they could feel it. The fear and panic coiling low in their stomach, spreading throughout their body with every beat of their heart. Hearing their siblings, hearing  _ Michael _ , reject them again and again after all this time  _ hurt _ . It hurt more than anything else she could have ever done. Their corporations vibrated between staying together and pulling apart at an intensity that made their vision blur. But they knew if they broke down now, in front of Michael, their life would end. So they closed their hand a fraction tighter, the pain grounding them enough, for now. 

“Those memories are not yours,” Michael hissed, stepping forward. Her sword slid along Raphael’s hand, cutting deeper into their palm and chest. 

“Then whose are they? If not mine, then your’s?”

“Those are memories that burned when Raphael did.”

“Oh how easy it is for you to leave me alone in the memory of my days in the sun.” Raphael’s smile faded and they released their hold on the blade, extending out their silver and gold streaked hand to their sister. “Touch me! If you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is. Take my hand, Michael. Take it.”

“I do not want to touch you.” Michael used her free hand to bat their hand away, but Raphael was quicker, and grabbed her hand in an iron hold when it came close. 

The moment their hands came into contact Raphael’s blood coated Michael and their power seeped into her. The rush of love, peace, calm, serenity, and hope that rushed through her was overwhelming and she dropped, her knees hitting the floor with a resounding thud. Raphael continued to stand, holding her hand above her head, flooding her with their power. Every memory she had of their time together was found by them and brought forward for her to relive. 

The memories of flying, walking, singing, talking. Of chasing siblings and napping. Memories of naming stars and grooming wings. Hugs that seemed to never end, and love that permeated every inch of the home they called Heaven. Memories of kissing minor injuries better before sending the little angels off to Raphael for healing. Memory replaced memory until Michael was lost in a sea of the past, her being flooded by emotions she had locked away thousands of years ago. Emotions and grace. The one part of an angel that could not be duplicated or forged. The one part that could speak truer than any words. Raphael’s grace gently replaced her memories and she knew. There was no denying that they really were Raphael. Tears streaked her face as she openly sobbed at Raphael’s feet. As the memories began to fade, her sword clattered against the floor, unlit, and Raphael let her hand go. 

“But you  _ burned _ . We all saw you Fall. I watched you  _ burn _ .  _ How are you alive _ ?” Her eyes were squeezed shut, as if she could change reality by denying its existence. She stayed kneeling on the floor, hands in her lap, as she waited for an answer. She looked so broken, their once strong leader, and the other angels in the room shifted nervously while they tried to figure out what to do. 

“I’m different, Michael. From the rest of you. Angels are made from love, that is well known, but I can  _ only exist  _ if love does. You see I have components - two sub-angels that fuse together to create me through their love. The day I Fell, you only saw part of me Fall.  _ One _ of my components followed Lucifer to Hell. Only half of me burned, but it did not die. It just changed. I was split in half during that time, and it has taken  _ six thousand years _ for my components to fall in love again, and then another  _ eleven years _ for them to embrace and accept that love! If I could have returned to you sooner, I would have, sister. Believe me, I would have.”

“I know…” Michael met Raphael’s gaze, and they shared a hesitant smile. “You always were special. Far more powerful than any other Archangel, even though you were the middle child.”

“I am not more powerful than any other angel, Michael. I just embraced the power love holds to a greater extent than any of you. That’s why you need to believe me when I say Heaven is weaker without it.”

“I know. I know now, thank you. I will do what I can to restore Heaven.” Michael slowly straightened up, still feeling a little weak.

“Gabriel will help you.” Raphael helped Michael balance herself, supporting her with their good hand. “He is strong, and knows more than he allows others to see. Our little brother will be invaluable to you. Put him to work, and then  _ learn from him _ .”

“Thank you Raphael,” Michael said, fresh tears coating her cheeks as she shook her head in disbelief. “Thank you for not abandoning us, even after we abandoned you. You would have had every right to just turn your back on us and walk away.”

“You know I could never do that, Michael. I could never abandon the family that taught me how to love. Now it is my turn to teach you.”

“Wow….” The sound of wonderment, whispered on the breaths of angels, caught their attention and drew their gazes to the windows. The sun was slowly rising outside, coating Heaven’s sky in soft pinks and yellows. It looked like the sky was basked in the warmth of love itself. 

“I had forgotten Heaven had sunrises…” Michael’s voice was so soft, and Raphael knew the beauty before them had just broke down her last wall. They also knew she had forgotten because the sun hadn’t risen in Heaven since the Fall. 

“Look, a new day has begun,” they said, gently guiding her into a hug without blocking her view. She immediately melted into his embrace, muscle memory of hug after hug taking over, and they gently rested their chin on top of her head. When they noticed the other angels glancing between them and the sunrise, Raphael chuckled softly and opened up one arm in invitation. Immediately all the angels rushed to them, a flurry of arms, bodies, and wings. When the chaos subsided, everyone was slotted together in a giant group hug, and they stayed like that until the sun was well into the sky. And only when the first angel started to pull away did Raphael wrap them all in their wings and squeezed just a little tighter. 

“Stay…” Raphael whispered, and they all stayed. Hugging and cuddling each other like they were fledglings again, until all their broken bits fused back together, and love pooled in all the places it had once abandoned. They stayed there until they were family again. They stayed to watch the second sunrise in Heaven. It was silver and gold. 

_ ~ Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise; I must think of a new life and I mustn't give in. When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too, and a new day will begin. ~ _

* * *


End file.
